i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
