woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
