Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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