Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
