1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
