Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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