this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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