I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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