i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
