I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize