I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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