this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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