I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
