fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
