Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
