he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
