your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
