at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
please don't ironically join a cult
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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