He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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