You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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