would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
