grandma shit on top of the toilet
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
