For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
