the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
