i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
