Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
