How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
