I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
