420 ftw
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
