Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
