I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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