After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
