Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
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I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
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We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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