the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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