He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
