i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
