I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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