i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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