The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
