What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
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Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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