My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize