I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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