Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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