i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
