im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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