I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
