Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So apparently I’m into choking now
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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