I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
