Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
