Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
