i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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