I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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