OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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