And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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