Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
