Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
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thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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