I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
