She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
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I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
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There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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