I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize