Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
