my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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