he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
