I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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