I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
