I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
