She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
