Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My dick has a subreddit
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
